It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
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And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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