hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When are your genitals available?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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