also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize