And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize