He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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