can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
