if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
