capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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