He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
