just come out here and I will go home with you...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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