I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
