in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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