and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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