wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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