He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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