I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize