I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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