How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
