i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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