i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need water and some morals
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
