There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize