i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ