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Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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