Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches