Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
