I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
