i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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