your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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