just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
