Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
