What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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