i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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