I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
