I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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