talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
