i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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