return my video game
Your dad touched me again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
