mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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