so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im six kinds of drunk right now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
