he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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