Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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