Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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