I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
