Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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