hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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