True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
