I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
