i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
