Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
