is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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