Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
