best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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