I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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