Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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