Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
handjob tips. give me some.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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