Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
