dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are the jesus of drinking
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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