How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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