paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
